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When Your Teen Is Struggling: Where Do We Even Start?
Where do we even start?
You know your child better than almost anyone.
So when something changes, they’re more anxious, withdrawing, becoming overwhelmed, losing confidence, behaving in ways that worry you, or simply not seeming like themselves, you often know something isn’t right.
But knowing something isn’t right and knowing what to do about it are two very different things.
I know that feeling.
We aren’t necessarily equipped for this
Most of us aren’t trained for the moment when our teenager starts really struggling.
We love them. We want to protect them. We want to make things better.
So we do what parents do.
We worry. We ask questions. We Google. We give advice. We try to fix things.
Sometimes we push when perhaps we should step back. Sometimes we step back when perhaps we should lean in.
And sometimes our own fear takes over and we try to control the very thing we feel we’re losing control of.
I’ve done all of those things.
And a lot of our young people are struggling
The latest New Zealand data tells us that 22.9% of young people aged 15–24 experienced high or very high psychological distress in 2024/25.
For young women aged 15–24, that figure was 29.2% — almost three in ten.
These figures measure psychological distress rather than a clinical mental-health diagnosis, but they tell us something important: a significant number of our young people are finding things hard.
And many of them will still be going to school or university, playing sport, working, seeing friends and sitting at our dinner tables.
From the outside, they may look like they’re coping.
Inside can be a very different story.
This is personal for me but it isn’t only personal
My experience as a parent is a big part of why I created The Game Within.
But it isn’t the only part.
Since founding Paradigm Shift in 2011, I’ve spent more than 15 years working professionally with behaviour and behavioural change, helping people understand the patterns, triggers and responses that shape how they think, behave and cope under pressure.
My background includes a BA in Educational Psychology and a Diploma of Teaching, alongside further study and work in behavioural and neuroscience-based change.
So much of what sits behind The Game Within isn’t actually new territory for me.
Behaviour is still behaviour.
Patterns are still patterns.
Triggers matter.
And how we respond matters.
Working with young people brings a different context and the developing adolescent brain adds another important layer but my experience as a parent has given me a very personal lens on the work I’ve been doing professionally for years.
There is a lot of space between “fine” and “crisis”
Some young people absolutely need counselling, psychological, medical or specialist support.
But not every young person who is struggling necessarily needs therapy.
There is a huge space between:
“Everything’s fine.”
and
“We need serious help.”
What are we doing in that space?
Can we help our teens recognise their patterns and triggers earlier?
Understand what’s happening inside their heads?
Deal with pressure, relationships, comparison and setbacks?
Recognise when the way they’re coping isn’t helping anymore?
And know when it’s time to ask for more help?
I think we can.
That’s why I created The Game Within
I wanted to create somewhere practical to start.
Sometimes the teen needs some tools.
Sometimes the parent needs a different lens.
Sometimes a family has become caught in a pattern without even realising it.
And sometimes another level of professional support is needed.
Knowing the difference matters.
I’ve also seen young people come through incredibly difficult periods and go on to live full, happy, wonderfully ordinary lives.
That’s important to remember when you’re right in the middle of something and can’t imagine what the other side might look like.
A difficult chapter doesn’t have to become their whole story.
And perhaps sometimes the place to begin isn’t having all the answers.
It’s simply having somewhere to start.
See the pattern.
Change the lens.
Choose your response.
Reset.
